Self Portrait

This is the self portrait I made on the app procreate- an I app I often use for digital art. I chose to keep the drawing of me blank with bold black lines to represent how when people look at me they’re going to see what they want to see. I’m completely blank for them to paint their opinions and thoughts of me on. This connects to an essay I read this summer called ‘Just Walk on By’ written by Brent Staples. In his essay, Staples writes about how people make assumptions about him just because of his physical appearance. Because Staples is a “black man- a broad six feet two inches” (Staples, 1998), people around him on the street at night fear him- thinking that he has malicious intentions. The essay exemplifies how people are just going to make their assumptions about me- fill my blank canvas in- and until one of us takes the time to learn about each other, that’s how I’ll stay to them.

I chose the flowers that I did for a very specific reason. Firstly, the colours yellow, blue and red are what make up the flag of my country- Venezuela. My country has had a large influence on my identity. From the food that I eat to the music I listen to and the language that I speak at home, Venezuela is always there. I feel a very strong connection to my home even though I haven’t been back in six years. Additionally, if I hadn’t been from Venezuela, I would be a completely different person. If I had been born somewhere else, I wouldn’t have had to move to Qatar, been separated from all of my cousins, aunts and uncles, and I might not have met the friends I have and others that have so largely influenced me to be who I am now.

I painted a sunflower on my forehead for a few different reasons. Sunflowers are known to symbolize intelligence -which is why the flower is close to my brain- and happiness. I feel that in a group, I always work to make the people around me laugh. I like to make jokes and hate when there’s any sort of tension. When making my self portrait, I felt that a sunflower represented those aspects of my personality. Next, a blue orchid. There are two specific reasons for why I chose to paint an orchid. The orchid is Venezuela’s national flower and I wanted to continue to express the love that I have for my country even when the world tells me to give it up. I like to see past the political problems in Venezuela because that’s not what I think about when I think about my home. I think of long days at the beautiful beaches, being just a ten minute drive from the rest of my family, delicious food, and music you can’t help but dance to. I also chose to use an orchid because it’s my mother’s favourite flower. My mom’s impact on my life is enormous. The love she has for me is like no other and the love I have for her is greater than the sun. My mom has had the biggest influence on the person that I am. My values stem from hers- everything I am is because of who she raised me to be. She is a very large part of my life.

The representation of my mom also connects to a big aspect of my life- my family. I am very close with my family- they are the people who will stand by me when the world pushes me or judges. My family are who I count on- people who I know will be there to catch me if I leap with closed eyes.

Lastly, I used a red rose- a symbol of beauty. As a woman, the expectation is that I am always beautiful and perfect and although I often protest this idea by walking around in sweatpants, my hair in a ratty bun, it is what society has drilled into my brain. However, I also recognize my beauty, both inside and out. The ‘flaws’ that the world wants to teach me to hate I love even harder. Love- the second reason why I chose to use a rose. Roses are a symbol of love which in my portrait capture how I love quickly and easily. Not in a romantic sense, but the people that enter my heart are placed on a pedestal and I work to do right by them.

Although the portrait of me is blank, the symbolism behind every little detail screams more about me than what someone would gather from just passing by me on the street.